alive and kicking.

happy easter everyone! 

Surprise! I'm still alive... and kicking... and BOY AM I KICKING! 

happy 2010! (better late than never!)- things have been just wild since the start of the new year... and i have been all over the place. i feel like i have had very little time to breathe since the new year started. i started off my new year with a trip to Jamaica. -- and boy am i anxious to tell all of you stories about my experiences. what good is a day by day written journal if i don't get to share it with SOMEONE! Christ did some amazing things with my heart while i was in Jamaica. 

1st things first. do you all remember my trip to Puerto Rico last spring? Well during that trip i was talking to one of the site leaders about other service experiences and she mentioned Jamaica. i immediately felt a burning desire to be there. i had to go. THE HOLY SPIRIT IS AN AMAZING INDESCRIBABLE THING! i had to figure out how to go. how i could make it happen. after lots of prayer and research, i set up a professional social work experience at the Child Development Agency in Jamaica. the CDA mirrors much of what Child Protective Services and Department of Human Services does here in the U.S. -- protecting children from abuse and neglect. I specifically spent a lot of time at one of MoBay's Places of Safety. 

I spent 3 weeks in Jamaica. 3 of the most amazing powerful weeks of my life. i don't like that i sound so cliche when i talk about it changing my life, but it truly did. Christ used Jamaica to light this fire in my heart. This burning desire to not only serve him, but to truly have a broken heart due to social injustices and sin. 

my life didn't change because i finally realized how many more resources the U.S. had compared to Jamaica and then i suddenly appreciated all that i had.... (although this was evident, and i did appreciate all that i had), my life didn't change because i saw corrupt police officers, starving Jamaicans, tin shacks, robbery's, and abuse first hand... (although my heart did sink) and my life didn't change because I stood 5 feet away from a 17 year old boy that shot his classmate out of anger, a 14 year old boy that set his house on fire, and a 16 year old girl that stabbed another girl with intent to kill... (although I did weep and pray for these children)----

but my life changed.... and my heart broke for the little boy at the orphanage that literally stole my heart with his charming smile, mischievous personality, and crying heart. Sonjay. the process of saying goodbye was getting harder and harder. and the last day... i felt a pain so deep... something that ached so bad... something i have never felt... in my heart trickling down into my stomach. he cried when i left. he sobbed with every ounce of energy he had in his body. he just wanted someone to hold him. he just wanted someone to care. he wanted someone's arms to be in. he wanted someone to rock him when he was sick and someone to kiss him when he smiled. he wanted someone to stay. i was that person for 3 weeks. i created a bond. i created a bond with the little boy that everyone was fed up with. and then i left. i felt like i took everything that he had and everything that he ever wanted. and my heart broke. 

my heart had never hurt so bad. it's been said that there is no possible way that a human being would ever feel even a portion of the pain that Jesus endured when he took on every one of our sins. and then i cried. i cried because i hurt more than i have ever hurt, and yet it was nothing compared to the sin that Jesus endured. this little boy was suffering at the hand of sin...i then thought about all of the times that i sin... and how i've hurt someone... JESUS more than the hurt I was feeling. -- WOW. i was speechless. still am. 

So today... this Easter Sunday... the third day after Christ died for our sins. the third day after God gave his son... his child. his only child. HIS ONLY PERFECT CHILD to die for ME... my sinning inconsiderate, selfish, imperfect self... this Easter Sunday. this day. this day he rose. -- i'm praying. praying because i will never be able to understand the weight of sin HE carries... God loves me. ME! Thank you Jesus. Thank you.

Stay tuned... can't wait to tell you what God is doing in my life TODAY!