BUENOS DIAS!

Puerto Rico was amazing.
I already want to go back.
Picking oranges, bananas, coconuts, and grapefruit off the trees
warm hugs and kisses
crashing waves
painting pretty playground
sun shining
gorgeous views
es muy bonita
Hola!
Estoy Bein?
Adios!
Surfing
Pollo on a stick
Pina Coladas
Snorkeling
hand made jewelery
winding roads
Salsa Dancing
Rice and Beans
PESCA
Organizing
Volunteer
Prayer
Children
Peace
Love

abandoned...

Well, I suppose it's partially my fault.

I mean, in all honesty, I work just enough time to gain their trust. Full time- most of the time 50 to 60 hours a week this summer with the same 22 girls. (more than I can say I spend with any one individual)

And then I leave. I leave for awhile. and only come back at most, one weekend a month. My girls feel like I've abandoned them just like most everyone else in their lives. So when I come back, to nearly all brand new girls (since the group I worked with this summer) it's no wonder I get completely disrespected. To most of them, I WAS the NEW GIRL. Here I am, waltzing in and trying to tell them what to do. Needless to say, my weekend back at work didn't go quite like the others.

After 28 hours with not an ounce of fresh air, I'm EXHAUSTED. I'm tried of arguing and tired of standing. After a day full of being sworn at, yelled at, questioned, laughed at, you name it, it happened-- I'm just flat out tired. There was at one point, I was BEGGING to be "stuck" in the kitchen making all off the food. Bless my fellow staff members who are working full time with this challenging group of adolescent girls.

It's not an easy job. It's not easy for one second. But for all of the times I was completely disrespected, there was that one moment in the last hour that made my job all worthwhile.

A new girl. She had a rough week. Quite aggressive and defiant. I wasn't there for that. What I saw, a young girl, hurt and searching. Searching for someone. Her intentions weren't malicious and her heart was warm and she was hurting. Abandoned by her father, influenced in the worst ways by her mother, degraded by her aunt, her guardian, triggered by her foster mom, and last but not least, taken care of and still physically abused by her sister. She has literally lived the last 15 years of her life feeling like she was worthless. She's been told that. And any dreams she had for herself were so easily crushed by the adult figures around her. It's no wonder she searched for a family. It's no wonder she found a family in a gang. They would protect her.

My goal for the night: To reopen some doors. It started with a simple question... "what do you want to be when you grow up?" I wanted to give her hope. I wanted to feel hope. Her innocent, dry sense of humor touched my heart in the best and worst way possible. When it comes to my job I can hold it together pretty well. I found my heart pretty heavy after tonights discussion and my eyes welled up after she walked away.

I hate that she hurts.

I hate that she's never felt wanted.

and I know... this is why I keep coming back... they deserve to feel compassion from someone...

All you need is a sunrise

Well, I'd be lying if I said I haven't been listening to Brandon Heath for the past three days straight. I'm going to have some overlapage with my best friend Christina's blog. It's just, when you're that excited about something, and something that great happens, it's obvious that you will both want to blog about the same thing.

So, there we are at the Brandon Heath concert. Everyone else was probably there to see Third Day but not my soulmate and I. Brandon starts playing and we are IMMEDIATELY on our feet. We're both fans of praise and worship here and there but our preference... the poetic lyrics coming from the mouth of Brandon Heath. The last post I made was about my ever so permanent tattoo. And I'm certain that I told you the words Beauty Divine are the title of a Brandon Heath song. It just touched me the first time I heard it. I knew it was something I wanted on my body for the rest of my life. After the concert Brandon was waiting out in the lobby area signing some autographs and taking pictures. Christina and I were on no time schedule so we hung out towards the back of the line because we had a list of things to tell Brandon. Needless to say, we only got to number two because of all the excitement. The converrsation went a little like this....

"BRANDON we have a list of things to tell you!"

"Ok, GO!"

"OK, we think you should add "Sunrise" into your set because we really like it and we think that everyone else will love it just as much as we do."

"Ok, duly noted. I was actually thinking the same thing."

"Ok, second thing. I may or may not have gotten the words "Beauty Divine" tattooed on my body."

"YOU DID? SERIOUSLY?"

"well, it's just because I love the song so much. I absolutely love the lyrics."

"REALLY?, well CAN I.... WAIT, WHERE'S IT AT?"

(I proceed to show him)

"Well are you two going to be around for a little bit. If you just wait over there, I'll play it for you when I'm done in like 10 minutes."

"Ok, that sounds perfect."

(Christina and I walk away and squeal in pure excitement like a bunch of ten year old girls that just spotted Hannah Montana.) So, Brandon takes us to an empty auditorium in the very back and digs his guitar out and plays first, "sunrise" and then "beauty Divine". My eyes welled up with tears and my arms had goosebumps. It was such a perfect moment and I wouldn't have wanted to share it with anyone else. I look at the pictures and still find it so hard to believe that THAT ACTUALLY happened. It was perfect.

Onto today-- I was really dreading today. I went to bed dreading today because I just didn't want my perfect weekend to end. (It didn't exactly help today out.) So, I woke up and sat in my robe until the last possible second contemplating playing the sick card and making a cup of coffee and just sitting through my first class but, I drug my "blah" mood self out the door. I went to take a look at my account balance for my trip to Puerto Rico and it was much less than what I had anticipated. Turns out, the church I'm attending in Alta made a donation. God works in mysterious ways. Even though I'm positive the donation had been made a few weeks ago, he waited for me to find out at JUST the right TIME! JUST when I needed a slight pick me up. Thank you Jesus.

All you need is a sunrise-- Brandon Heath